Earth is crammed with heaven

I'm not one for New Year Resolutions. January can be tough enough without adding the F word of fail to my weak attempts at getting thin and fit. However I have learnt a few things this year which I am happy to share. 1. God is everywhere. I mean really everywhere. There is no place where I am that He is not. So every fear Every failure Any revelation I never knew Is known And felt And understood... I mean really understood by him. Nothing without him. 2. I don't need to rush. God told me this on Christmas Eve. Take your time. Be measured. Deliberate. I don't accomplish any more by rushing. It just sends my anxiety levels rocketing. He knows what I need to do. Trust him. 3. Other people's opinions vary. Enormously. What they think of me has no bearing on anything. Ooh that was a tough one for a recovering people-pleaser to hear. You can imagine. Ultimately The only opinion that counts is God's. And He often expects less of me than I...

It was a dark, rainy night. At the end of the shortest day of the year, she held her breath as she entered the water. As she exhaled, she felt it leave; the stress the angst the pressure of life and ministry. And when she inhaled? She felt freedom like no other. In that moment, there was nothing in the world that mattered, but her breath. Her oneness with the elements. Her communion with God himself who promised that she would know the truth, and the truth would set her free. The mystery and power overwhelmed her. She felt human again. No, more than that. She felt whole. A completeness that was long overdue, after weeks of wondering if others were aware of her humanity, amid it all. She gave it all to the One who loved her so much that he became human, like she was. If anyone understood, it was him. And as she left the water it felt like a baptism. Light, life and love... Healing. Cleansing. Restoration. “Flow through my soul, redeem its desert places, and make a garden there for the L...

Well that escalated quickly! After the shock of yesterday’s announcement, with it’s accompanying calls, explanations and tears, it felt a privilege to be able to meet for worship this morning. When everything falls apart, we return to what we know. In the beginning was the word... The light shines in the darkness... The darkness has not, will not, cannot put it out. We were angry, upset, frustrated and sad, but we brought it all to Emmanuel, God with us. He came into the muck, and the mess of the world, and became one of us. And still... Still God imparts to human hearts,  the blessings of his heaven. Life may be a rude word at the moment,  but Christmas isn’t cancelled. It can’t be. Thinking of you all, and sending love xx

I have been really conflicted this week. It’s been the b-word, as you’d expect, but there’s been a sense of accomplishment too. I struggle with the broadcasting of every little thing people do. I know some people do it for prayer-support, and to encourage people to donate, and I get that. But there’s something I find very moving about people going about their business with humility and grace, and no camera Really moving... At the same time, I’m so proud of our church. The work they do. The people they help. The lives they change. That’s why I’m conflicted. I want to pay tribute to them. They truly are incredible. Speaking of which, I spotted this little beauty in the car park at the hall. Just doing it’s thing... I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

It was High 5’s all round at the hall this afternoon. At least it would have been, if that had been allowed. We’re in Tier 3 now after all. Our reason for rejoicing is the toy parcels are all completed, and just one lot left to be collected. We had our busiest Foodbank since April, and all our phone messages are dealt with. For now, anyway. I did however, sing four syllables of the Hallelujah Chorus to celebrate, and told anyone who would listen, what a good job we had all done. Encouragement is such a motivator for me at the moment. “Be the change”, and all that. Today’s events began at 6.30am, when I left home for a swim.                           Sunrise  They end tonight with a Zoom meeting,  with a dear friend, that I haven’t had a proper conversation with in years. PJ’s, chocolate and a nice warm drink are compulsory.  I didn’t make the rules. I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

There’s no feeling quite like that sinking one, is there? Your stomach lurches, and your head spins as you gaze in disbelief. That work you spent hours on yesterday? Gone. Disappeared. Lost forever in the place where the lost things go. It was frustrating. You can imagine. It was virtually all the work for the worship sheets, from now until after Christmas. *Rude words* But then I sat this afternoon, and I wrote. A bit more creatively this time.  Incorporating Chris’s thoughts, less as a copy and paste, and more as the gift that they are. Especially after all this time. I went right up to Christmas Day and beyond. Weaving, Drawing, Travelling. It’s a privilege to share Jesus with others. Especially at Christmas. Especially after the year we’ve had. Particularly as we enter Tier 3 at midnight. As I write this post, I whisper a prayer of thanks to the One who became a human being, and lived among us. The one who brings light, life and love. The hopes and fears of all the years are me...

Isn’t it amazing when dreams come true? Mine did today. Ok, it wasn’t much of a dream. More of a longing. A hope. A desire. Ok.  Food. It was about food! It involved our local coffee shop, that became a regular haunt of ours in the summer. I loved it before, but out of the blue, they chose to collect toys from their customers for our toy appeal. It turns out their customers are really generous. After a cold, rainy swim, I went for coffee and food with my swim-buddy. As I sat with coffee, just the way I like it; avocado on sourdough toast, with bacon and eggs; I exhaled slowly. God was in his heaven, and all was right with the world.  I heard today of an area in Italy that can’t produce it’s finest wine every year. The area is so small that conditions have to be perfect. On years when it’s too cold, or too hot, or too wet, they have to be patient, and hope for a better year to come. Whatever happens, there is always hope. Hope of better days. Hope that life can be wonderful, ev...

I take it all back. All that stuff a few weeks ago about being stressed about not being stressed. I definitely spoke too soon. Although, in my defence, I was right that we can’t prepare for the unexpected. Facing it as it comes has been hard this week. But the toy parcels are ready for collection, I think.  We’ve had to be much more clinical than usual, and accept that we can’t do everything. Well done that man who pointed us to scripture at the start of the pandemic. Like the woman who anointed Jesus, we do what we can. It’s hard not to judge yourself against others though. There are lots of posts at the moment about the things everyone is doing, and it’s hard not to get caught up, or down, in it all. But I do feel for those who, for one reason or another, see those posts and feel less-than. If that’s you, I see you. I’ll stand with you in the “we did what we could’ corner. Jesus is there too. Anyway, that’s me for today. I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx Our band, las...

Tuesday has developed a bit of a pattern over the past few months. I spend the morning preparing or finalising this week’s Wonder-full Worship sheet. Some weeks it is a real slog. Then others, like this week, I wake with exact plans of what I need to write. I did get Chris to read it through, though. Sometimes, as a preacher, you can end up churning out similar stuff every week, if you’re not careful.  Especially if you have a theme. It’s good to have a second opinion. Tuesday afternoons seem to involve a major loss of energy. It’s hard to explain it. Especially as Monday is our day off, so technically I should be rested. I’m starting to go with it though. I don’t like it, but fighting it doesn’t work, so I’m learning to take it easier when it hits.  Today I listened to some podcasts while resting my eyes. It seemed to do the trick. Tomorrow is another day. I hope you’ve had a good day. Rest well. Lots of love xx

I wore my new red boots today. It was our day off, and they matched my Christmas jumper so I had to wear them. They’ve been in my wardrobe since September, but it never seemed the right moment. Today I remembered that every day is the right day to do something that sparks joy. Red footwear does that for me. It’s a long story. What sparks joy for you? Go on, you know you want to. Lots of love xx

I was woken this morning by a loud thud and a relatively, rude word. The oldest resident of Testosterone Towers fell on the stairs, while carrying two full cups of tea and a banana. He’s ok. The newly-painted wall is more or less unscathed, and the soggy carpet will dry. All’s well that ends well. Fast forward a few hours and we’re back worshiping at the church, and I’m preaching that our journey often doesn’t work out as we planned. Oh how we laughed. On this second Sunday in Advent, I’m grateful for a God of surprises, who speaks through the ordinary stuff of life. “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.”  Isaiah 9:2 Lots of love xx

It was back to the lake this morning for the coldest swim of the season so far. I haven’t been able to swim there since before the second lockdown, and much as I love the river, it was good to be there. Team Pants was out in full today. It’s not the same without the hugs, and the selfies, but it’s always good to be together. The lake welcomed me by being beautiful, if a little chilly. It was good to be home. Some of us stopped off at Pete’s cafe on the way home. He’s a familiar figure, and supporter of Team Pants, and as I tucked into my freshly-made baguette, with so much crispy bacon, it was overflowing; I declared, “Why do we ever go anywhere else when the food tastes like this here?” Life is often different to how we would prefer it to be, even pre-COVID-19. This year has been one of ‘making-do’. Of acceptance, sometimes grudgingly, of things not being the way we’d like. But today reminded me of the joy to be found in ordinary things. Perhaps the fact that they happen less often, m...

I’ve just got back from a quick walk around the block with Daisy. By ‘eck it’s cold. We haven’t been blessed with snow in Harlow, unfortunately. We have, however, had rain.  Lots of it. So much so, that when I tried to get home after delivering our Advent Blessing bags this morning, I had to keep turning back as the roads were flooded. Eventually, I stopped in Chipping Ongar to use the loo; Phoned Chris to tell him I wasn’t sure when I’d be home; Then grabbed a sandwich from the local supermarket. I had coffee in a flask,  so I was sorted. I had one more try in the direction of home, and was turned back, then  finally realised if I went in the opposite direction, I would eventually get to the motorway. It was a ridiculously long way round. It made no sense to travel that way. I could have been halfway to Manchester in the time it took me. But it was the only way to get home. And isn’t it true, that we’re all just trying to find our way home? How far is it to Bethlehem? No...

It’s been raining all day. Heavy. Icy. Very, very wet. Perfect weather for delivering Bags of Blessings for Advent. Did I mention the bags are made of paper? Chris and I were grateful again to the town planner, who decided to number the houses as they were built... Odd numbers on one side, and even on the other, is not the pattern for Harlow. Oh no! We were quite grumpy at the start. Well when I say we, I mean me. Obvs. Our charity shop re-opened today. Lorraine has worked tirelessly to get it cleared and sorted, and COVID secure. It’s been closed since March, so you can imagine how excited everyone is. Chris has just popped out for a food shop. I’m so glad it’s him that does the cooking. I have no brain space for it at the moment. On this miserable, wintry day, may we know the light of life amid the gloom. The true light, that brings light to everyone, was coming into the world. John 1:9 Lots of love xx

Ministry is varied. No surprise there. But just occasionally,you have a day when it all comes together, and forms a whole.  A sense of completeness, amongst the individual tasks. This is why I’m here. This is what I was called to. Life is messy and imperfect, but every so often you get a sense of being part of something much bigger than yourself. That your brokenness is the very thing that connects you with those who cross your path. That God loves you just as you are. Really. Truly. People see Him when they look at you. He uses your stuff to help people know him better. You can live loved, because you are. ”Take your everyday, ordinary life... and place it before God as an offering.” Romans 12:1 Lots of love xx

It was 11yrs ago yesterday that I graduated with a BA (Hons) in Pastoral Care with Psychology. It was a day of great joy. I remember beaming as I placed the mortar board on my head, and that was it for the rest of the day. One of the photos that always makes me smile is of my feet. I graduated in uniform, but wanted something special to wear, so I bought new shoes. They were black court shoes. Obvs. But they had 5 inch heels. I loved them. Walking in them, however, was another matter. I’d practiced at home, but I’d forgotten one simple thing. Walking on carpet is a doddle, compared to walking outside. I spent most of the day asking people if I could link arms with them as I walked.  Although I did manage to go up for my scroll, all by myself, without mishap. Today has been a day of asking for, and accepting help.  It doesn’t always come naturally does it? You don’t like to put on people.  Everyone is busy with their own stuff. But in my experience, people don’t offer to h...

We popped to see my Mum today. We’re so fortunate to have her close enough to form part of our support bubble. Daisy asked to come too as she hadn’t seen Nanny for a little while. Today should be our day off, but I decided it would be worth doing some work that was weighing heavy on my mind. I’ve faced facts, and enlisted the help of my friend tomorrow. She’s furloughed until Thursday so is glad to help. I haven’t told her yet that I’m appointing her as project manager. I’m hoping she’ll keep me focused. Last night I was thrilled to receive some messages from people who had watched our Facebook live. They thanked us for ‘bringing church to them.’ Never underestimate the power of an encouraging word.  Especially at the moment.  Especially when the recipient is having a bit of a wobble. “I will bless you... and you will be a blessing” Genesis 12:2 Lots of love xx 11 years ago today, after my graduation. Sorry boys x

Today is the first Sunday in Advent and it was a joy to share worship from home on Facebook Live. We’ve decided to make it a feature, once a week through Advent, and maybe beyond. We’re so aware of those who are sharing with us, who can’t attend church. We can’t just stop, once we are back worshiping in the hall on a Sunday. So hopefully we’ll stream live from the church, and from home in the week. It’s quite exciting. It’s quite gloomy out today, so I’m appreciating the Christmas lights. We’re getting our Christmas things out gradually this year, so it’s lovely to have our two main Nativities out. I’m enjoying our Advent theme: ‘How far is it to Bethlehem?’ and looking forward to journeying together. Today I’m reflecting on the ‘excess baggage’ we carry. For me, I get easily distracted by things that don’t concern me. Then the spiral begins of resentment, and anger, if I let it. When this familiar pattern starts, I’m trying to stop it in it’s tracks, by throwing it back to Jesus. ...

I had a text from the NHS this morning. I was asked to take a COVID test, which came back negative thankfully. I didn’t seriously think I had it, but isolated just in case. I had the results in less than 24 hours. I was very impressed. I still felt a bit off it this morning. We’re still unsure about what the new restrictions mean for churches. I had a chat with my boy; (Chris, not Jesus as my friend asked earlier. Though I’m sure he was involved in the conversation.) and felt a bit better. The river is definitely dropping in temperature, but it was incredible, just the same.  It never fails. Pizza has just arrived. Happy Saturday! Lots of love xx

I’m not feeling great today, so this is just a short post. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, but I’m going to stay home and rest. Just in case. I hope you have a good day. Lots of love xx

What have you done today to make you feel proud? Well, today I ate a jam doughnut without getting it down my jumper. Small victories are so important at the moment. I’ve been getting stuff ready for our visits over the next few weeks. It’s quite time consuming, but I’m enjoying it, and it doesn’t take too much brain power.  Always a bonus. We’re hoping to doorstep-visit everyone, and deliver some Advent gifts. That’s the plan anyway. I’ll keep you posted. I hope you’ve had a good day. Small victories are the way forward. Lots of love xx

 After an early-morning swim in the river, today seems to have been non-stop so far. I'm at home now, with a cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit. If you haven't tried McVities VIB's orange flavour, you must. Other biscuits are available. (But not as nice...) I have spent part of the day at the church.  If I felt so inclined, I could give you a snapshot of my 'have-done list.' But instead, I have decided to share some thoughts with you about our current stress levels. These weeks are always full to the brim with plans and preparations, for services, for ways we are helping struggling families, Christmas plays, Carol Services, Carolling, shopping, family stuff, and a whole host of things I can't think of at the moment. This is my 28th Christmas as a Salvation Army Officer, and this time of the year is always, always busy. With no exceptions.  Ever. Until now... Now before you shout me down, and tell me to speak for myself, I am.  I would class myself as steadily...

Hands up if you were anxiously awaiting Boris’s announcement last night? Hands up if you were still confused at the end? Hands up if you went to bed with more questions than answers? It’s hard not to be overwhelmed as a leader at the moment. I  had my usual panic, and now I seem to have settled down a bit, while we wait to discover what the new, guidelines actually mean for churches.  I’ll keep you posted. Life at the moment seems to be a case of putting my head down, and getting on with the things that are possible. All the while, trying not to think too far ahead. Thankfully I believe in a God who makes all things beautiful in his time. This was clear as the day drew to a close. I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

Happy Stir Up Sunday! Anyone who has any remote connection to me, will know how excited I get about today. It’s a gift of a day in my view. A day of pre-Advent preparation. We ask God to stir us, gently preferably,  before we commence our journey through Advent. Chris and I enjoyed sharing a few thoughts as we worshipped this morning, and broadcast it on Facebook Live. It went a bit more smoothly this week, and the purchase of a tripod has made all the difference. Every day’s a school day. I love that it’s live. I love that people join with us. I love sharing my faith in a way that feels real. I love that it reaches people who would never think about coming to church, ordinarily. As I drove for a swim a little later, I prayed and sang, and asked God to protect me from becoming discouraged. People say things without thinking. Some have their own agenda, and that’s ok. But I continue to look up and not sideways. What others are doing has no bearing on anything. We do what we can. Tha...

Monday is our day off. Back in the old days of our separate appointments, Chris and I didn’t see much of each other during the two years. But we fought for him to have Monday off, and so the Facebook album of ‘Monday Selfies’ was born. Having proper time off is important anytime, But crucial at the moment. It would be easy to let the days flow into one another. So today we went for a long walk to one of our favourite places. It’s very familiar to us, particularly me, but what I  love is you can walk a different path every time. There’s always something different to see, to hear,  to appreciate. It’s also the place where I walk by the river and recite Psalm 23. He guides, he leads, he restores... Always. And the Monday Selfie? There you go! I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

 I spent about 15 minutes on the phone with a lady from our church this morning. I phone her every week to share the Wonder-full Worship for the week with her, as she's partially-sighted and unable to read it herself. She found it quite amusing when I told her I was sat cuddling a hot-water bottle. I was still a little chilly after my morning swim.  I love spending that time with her. It's one of those things in ministry that looks like me helping her, but I get such a lot from it. One of the joys that has come out of the pain of lockdown. It also meant I could have a run through of the live worship for tomorrow. It's Stir-Up Sunday. I'm very excited. Daisy enjoyed her walk in the woods afterwards. She graciously allowed Chris and I to accompany her, and suggested I video-called Nanny, so she could appreciate the Autumn scene too.  I did, and she did.  Daisy showed off, and a good time was had by all. Something of Daisy's excitement, and wonder, at very familiar thi...

Today, the part of today will be played by yesterday. Please tell me I’m not the only one who is struggling? It’s 3pm on Friday afternoon and I could quite happily go to bed until further notice. The reason for this is unclear. I got some work done last night,and this morning, that pleased me greatly. I spent a couple of hours with my lovely Mum, who seemed remarkably well, in comparison to the last few months. We ate lovely food and had mother/daughter chats. The M25 was clear, so I’m home in good time. So why do I feel like a Space Cadet? I was chatting to our chefs at the hall this morning, and I think we’re missing the things we would use to distract us when we feel like this. The cinema, a coffee shop, a hug, a meet-up. And it’s raining. Again. So here’s the deal. I’m not going to tell myself off for ingratitude, self-absorption, or being a misery. I’m not wallowing. I’m just being honest. But I’m going to write three things I’m grateful for.  Not because I should, but because...

 Today saw a change to the advertised programme. We had planned to pop and see my Mum for a few hours at lunch time.                                                     She is in our bubble, so we're allowed to meet. But as I spent most of yesterday, and overnight, with a headache and feeling sick, we decided not to risk passing anything on, so postponed it. This morning we had a pastoral Zoom with our divisional leaders.     It was good to spend some time with them, not least because they could see how much better Chris is looking.  He's not quite earning his 'Tigger' reputation again yet, but he's well on the way. Another good thing was the feeling of connection.  People setting time aside for us, to listen, share and laugh.   And of course, the joy of being prayed with, and for.   In our role, we are u...

A few months ago I became aware that there seemed to be a lot of false positivity around. It bothered me that we weren’t able to express ourselves truthfully.  We didn’t want to be letting the side down. So, on my Facebook page, once a week, we have Whinging Wednesday. The rules are 1. People can post three things that they want to complain about. 2. No naming of names. 3. No judgement, or one-up-manship on who has the right to moan. 4. Use the hashtag. #WhingingWednesday It’s been fun. Some weeks not many people post. And others, like today, all kinds of people are sharing their complaints within seconds of the post going up. Some days people, including myself, struggle to find three things to moan about. And others, I get requests for three more. Life is a bit like that at the moment. On any given day, like today, I can swing from being bright-eyed and bushy tailed one minute, to “Please don’t speak to me, look at me, or breathe near me. Just bring coffee and treats at regular in...

Testosterone Towers has been a hive of activity today. Advent preparation, worship sheets, emails, texts and calls. This was punctuated by "We've had another one!" when donations were made to the Just Giving page. It's set up for our Christmas work.  If you usually help, the link is here  Harlow Christmas present Appeal . We're very grateful. I like mornings like these, when I feel as if I'm accomplishing something.  Especially at the moment when it seems as if we're in limbo all the time. The joy of crossing things off a to-do list.  Hands up if you sometimes add them after you've done them, just for the pleasure of crossing them off? My prayer this morning came from Twitter: Lord of the Morning,  sustaining all creation, visible and invisible,  awaken me to your presence. He did. Lots of love xx

It was Miss Heather Small who asked the eternal question... You know the one. Miranda sang it at least once a day: “What have you done today to make you feel proud?” I have a friend who is blatant in self-love. Some of you probably know her. Over the last few weeks she’s been posting every day of something she loves about herself. And strangely it doesn’t feel weird, or show-offy. It just feels inspirational. A kind of, “I want what she’s having.” So today I’m asking. “What have you done today to make you feel proud?” Please let me know in the comments. Even if the hardest thing you did today was got out of bed and faced the world. I have those days too: Mine isn’t probably what you think. Well it was while I was swimming, obvs, but it was the fact I met someone new. She’s a swimmer from another area and was exploring new places to swim. We chatted about the water and she spotted for me from the bank.  I couldn’t have gone in otherwise. Later she posted a photo of me on a swimming ...

Things I’ve learned today: 1. I need to buy a tripod. 2. Things that would take a while in a service, just fly on Facebook Live. 3. There’s a beautiful tree just up the road. Every day’s a school day.   We’ve lost a lot this year, it’s true. But what an opportunity for connection this year has brought. The main focus of worship for Harlow SA since the beginning of lockdown has been our worship sheet.  But in recent weeks I’ve had a real sense of the need to present something live. Not a service. There are plenty of those. But more a point of connection when we can spend a few moments in the presence of God. The response is blowing me away. Mainly because people are getting in touch who are unable to attend church, even pre-COVID-19, for many different reasons.  These are friends, colleagues, people who have crossed our path over the years, and members of our own church. There seems to be a connection with people that wasn’t possible, or considered, before. I’ll admit, it’...

“And then. It started. Raining. And the rain came down. And the floods came up. Then the rain came up. And fooled everybody” You can have 10 points if you can tell me where those lines are from. It’s Saturday. It’s raining. I’m tired. I feel a bit meh, but I’ve had a swim. I’m now in my pj’s drinking coffee. It’s not the best thing for me, I’ll be honest. At the moment, being idle isn’t that helpful. But I do need some rest, so it’s just getting the balance right. Maybe I need to get the knitting out? Or the colouring? Or the Christmas cards that need writing? Lockdown is hard on days like today. But we’re thrilled to receive the news that a baby has been born. Such joy, and how lovely to have something to celebrate. I hope you’ve had a good day. The rain will stop, I promise. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon! Lots of love xx

My friend Anique won the award for the best idea of the day today. It has been another funny one. I was talking to an officer at a nearby corps this afternoon, and sharing Advent resources. My obsession with Advent seems to be coming into it's own this year, and I'm happy to share. We were commenting how our energy levels fluctuate at the moment.  I seem to be either full of energy and creativity,  or a big lump of nothing-ness. I think it's to do with the ever-present restlessness and anxiety that Covid-19 creates. It takes up a lot of brain space at times. Anyway, back to my friend Anique who had a brainwave,  just as I was completing the worship sheet for next week. An hour later and I was at the river, entering the world of the 'dusk-dippers.' I hadn't realised how many people, of all ages, swim as the light is fading. What a wonderful end to the week. I hope you've had a good day. And if you're struggling, this comes with love and prayers for a bett...

I’ ve been thinking today about gratitude. I’ve never worked in an industry that gets tips. Can you imagine preaching a sermon and getting a tip at the end of it?  Or not, as the case may be? I was thinking more about the importance of saying thank you.  Partly because I can be stroppy at times. I know. and having spent several hours at the weekend doing something to send in an email to over 60 people, I’m a bit miffed that only a handful said thank you. I know we’re busy, but... Also because I know I can be ungrateful at times. I forget to say thank you, especially when, in my view, people are just doing their job. But knowing how much a word of appreciation affects me, I know I should make more of an effort. It’s a fine line. You don’t want to become one of those people whose praise is meaningless because you go OTT all the time. But equally, credit where credit is due.  It’s important that people know they are appreciated. So today’s thoughts are: 1. People can be ungr...

 I never sleep well on a Tuesday night.  I think it's a combination of old habits and late working,  but recently it's meant I've been up and out for a sunrise swim at a local river. This morning was no exception, and I was in Hertford before 7, listening to the birds and watching the sky transform, as I waited for my swimming buddy. An hour or so later and I was home for toast and jam and a few cups of coffee. Today has felt quite productive, although I still seem to have a bit of marshmallow-brain. A kind of hang-over from yesterday I think. I was grateful to our Bandmaster, Andi who recorded the Last Post, and sent it to me at the weekend. I played it out loud as I stood, paused, and remembered at 11am.  It's been hard trying to organise and plan the Corps Christmas Present Appeal, but I think we're ready. The vouchers are ordered, the Just-giving page is set up, so now we're hoping for generosity from people, who may well be struggling themselves.  It's ...

 Today I have mainly been feeling a little eleveno'clock-ish. I think it's Pooh bear who coined the phrase. I told a friend, who had never heard it before. She said, "Do you mean you just want to drink tea and eat biscuits?" Pretty much. Not exactly tired, well not physically, but more mentally/emotionally. Typically, I wanted to get loads of prep done for Advent today, and I've got nothing. What do you do when you feel like that? Firstly, I went for a walk. I thought I'd be inspired by Autumn colour. It was ok... Secondly, I ate something. Healthy. I'm trying. Thirdly, I thought about going for a swim. Then realised it was probably a bit close to sunset. So I did a bit of yoga. Watched a bit of telly. Drank some water, and decided to write this. Maybe I'll get some inspiration later.  Days don't always go to plan. In my heart, I think I knew I needed a day like today, but was trying to be disciplined. That went well. Maybe next time, I'll be a...

Chris put up the Christmas Tree today. Now before you start telling me what day it is, I know. But it is a new tree and you have to check these things. Then maybe leave them up for a bit, until it's not worth taking it down. That was the plan anyway, Unfortunately it had a screw loose. And the lights didn't work on the bottom section. So now it's back in the box to return, and there's another one on the way. The best laid plans, and all that. The thing is I don't mind if Christmas starts early this year. We could do with a bit of light, life and love at the moment. Does singing along to Christmas music in the car count as work? It's good for Advent prep after all. Now where's my Amy Grant album? I hope you've had a good day today. Lots of love xx                                                My broken tree has a face and looks like an emu.

 It felt like a baptism as I entered the river. The sun was warm on my face. The water clear. I raised my hands and face to the sky and declared myself full of the joy of the Lord. Then I was off.  The water like silk on my skin.  The temperature bracing. Perfect. Just perfect. This morning had been a little nerve-wracking as we broadcast our first worship from home via Facebook Live. Harlow Salvation Army had worked hard to create a safe environment for people to meet for worship. Then after only three weeks, we were back to the drawing board, with the banning of led-services in England. My reason for rejoicing was not because it went well, though it did I think. Nor because of the numbers of views it has received, but because as I leaned on my car waiting for my swimming buddy, I became aware, again, of the goodness of God. Of the sense of the individual parts of our church,  all doing their thing, and still able to glorify God, even though we are apart. And do you...

Today started with a beautiful drive to a place where I could have a swim. The water felt really icy, even with the sunshine. Much colder than Wednesday, in the early morning mist. I feel really fortunate that outdoor swimming is still permitted. Along with perfect coffee and scrummy cake. The rest of the afternoon was spent collating Advent Resources I recklessly offered to share. It took much longer than I thought, but it’s done now. I really love Advent so it wasn’t too much of a hardship. How wonderful that it is just around the corner. All that joy. The hope. The possibilities. Finally, something to look forward to. Hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

 Today saw us taking a slightly slower start. A few weeks ago, as another lockdown was looming, I had a chat with our Centre Co-ordinator about what we would need to do personally, to manage lockdown for a second time. For me, I needed time to process it. I didn't want to feel the sense of being on a hamster wheel, that I felt last time.  In some ways, it won't happen. A lot of the things we needed to implement and put in place, are still there. We have had to decide how best to do the toy appeal, but other than that... So I will be intentional about resting,  and pausing before acting or reacting. Probably. Possibly. You know! It's hard to keep things in perspective.  Especially as we are all reacting differently to our current circumstances. One thing I have been doing this week is Movember.  Doing some form of exercise every day, for at least 15 minutes, throughout November.  I've done one swim, and the rest was walking. Daisy doesn't know what has hit h...

 Well here we are again. I thought I would pick up my blog to help me process the next few weeks in Lockdown 2. Key changes this time are: 1. Testosterone Towers is no longer at full capacity. One of the residents has left the building for a Towers of his own. We miss him. 2. The paddling pool isn't set up in the garden. Yet. As we are well into the winter swimming season, it looks as if I can travel to a river for my fix. It was 10 degrees at 7am yesterday. Perfect. 3. We have had a bit more notice this time. It feels less of a shock as we enter a month of staying at home. From a work perspective, we still have a lot of things in place that we had to create and implement last time. We are carrying on mostly as before. 4. Chris is back to about 60-70% capacity. He still suffers from fatigue, headaches and breathlessness. Long covid is alive and well in TT, but we're grateful for recovery. As I write, I feel fairly confident for the days ahead. But I know that in the last few da...

My name’s Karen and I live with depression. It’s been three years since my last major episode. On World Mental Health Day I want to write something, but I almost didn’t for a number of reasons. 1. The second sentence above. It’s been three years. 2. I have spoken to friends as recently as this week, who are really ill with depression. 3. I’m not superstitious, but there is a sense of not wanting to tempt fate. So here are the things I know: Depression is a physical illness that affects the whole body, and has little to do with feeling sad. I haven’t had a depressive episode in three years. When I say that, it means I haven’t been floored by it, or had to have a lengthy period off sick. It doesn’t mean I haven’t had depression during that time, I have. It doesn’t mean I’m thinking of reducing my medication, I wouldn’t dream of it. It doesn’t mean I don’t have days at a time, when I need to batten down the hatches and hibernate, I do. I have treatment-resistant depression that I’ve lived...

“In the dedication of this child, you desire to give him fully to God.  You wish to thank God for entrusting this precious life into your hands And you want him to be nurtured in all that is pure, lovely, and honest.” Those words are ringing in my ears tonight. Mainly because we had the honour of dedicating a baby earlier today. Partly because, the baby we made those promises for, almost 19 years ago, Is flying the nest in the morning. It’s right. I know it is. Roots and wings and all that. I know he’s only going to be an hour away. I know he’ll be back. I know I’ll appreciate a bit less testosterone in Testosterone Towers. But give me a moment. He knows I’ll cry tomorrow. He’s been warned. He also knows that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. I’ll miss his cheek,  his jokes, his infinite supply of rude remarks about my height. I’ll miss him talking in his sleep (Right now). His chuckle  his smile  and his deep, long, hugs. But as he leaves a space in the Towers, He takes w...

I ventured upstream today. Not by much, but there were a few teenagers hanging around where I usually enter the river. So I got in higher up. I've got in there before, and it's a beautiful place to swim. A bit like having my own pool. One of the rules of wild swimming is always find a safe place to enter and exit the water. It's quite an important one from a safety perspective. I'd swum there before so I knew I was ok.   Or so I thought. The problem was that I'd swum there last in the middle of a hot spell. We've had a lot of rain since then. The water level was higher, so the exit was deeper. It wasn't quite as easy to get out as I remembered. Now don't start fearing for my safety. Mum, I'm looking at you... I still got out fairly easily. The bank was a bit more slippy than previously. It was more of a scramble than a dignified exit, and mud was involved.  So my thoughts today are,  don't assume that the old, familiar ways are the best,  or the ...

I’ve just popped out for a bit. It is Bank Holiday after all. As I walked down to the entry point I spotted a woman.  About my age. Dressed the same as me. But it was the woolly hat and gloves that gave her away. I know one when I see one. I can recognise a kindred spirit at fifty paces. We smiled and chatted, and then moved on. I love being part of this group of people. All over the country, all over the world. A group that has that look about them. Something behind their eyes. A knowing. A strength.  A wildness. I see it in Christians sometimes too. Not as often as I’d like. They will know you by your love John 13:35 paraphrased. I hope you’ve had time to do something for you today. Lots of love xx

I saw a goat in a tree today. Not a real one. Well it was a real tree, but not a real goat. That wouldn't have been appropriate in a coffee shop. I'd been for a swim in the river, and was having a coffee and something to eat with my swimming buddies.  And there it was. In the corner of the courtyard. A misshapen tree. (Is that how you spell it?) And as we were pondering why it was that shape, and observing the strength of the branches, I spotted the goat, and pointed it out on request. I'll be honest, only one of my companions could see it. Either that, or she knows me well enough to play along? The other one, who had only met me once before, was just looking at me a bit oddly... So my thoughts today are that we see what we want to see.  We hear what we are listening for.  We speak what we have learned. The challenge I'm setting myself today is to fix my thoughts. Not on all that is wrong with the world. Not on Boris. (Don't get me started...) Not on the things I...

Well that's more like it. Finally something to celebrate. I'm not sure I could have dealt with another debacle. The A-level results have been re-graded, so the affected one in Testosterone Towers is happy. His down-grade, thank you nasty algorithm, hadn't affected his university place, but it's important to have credit where credit is due. And today I've only heard happy reports where teachers grades have been awarded. It makes sense to me that, circumstances being what they are, the one who knows students best, gets to assess their capabilities, and award their final grade. It works for me. Speaking of which, thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all the teachers/teaching staff who have worked tirelessly through lockdown. You have helped our young people in ways you may never be aware of. I see the hours you have worked while being slated by the press. You are incredible. Thank you. And to all of us today, take a moment to appreciate again all we have experienc...

I cried behind my mask today. Not metaphorically, but literally. These were no silent tears, they were loud-ish. Loud enough to bring the lady who’d been, shall we say, unhelpful, a few minutes before, into the room I was waiting for my blood to be taken. She pretended she needed to look at something, but she didn’t. She needed to look at me. And she never said a word. Not one. And the nurse who took my blood didn’t say anything either. Except to ask me to hold my arm out, which I did. She then asked if she could explain something to me. I said no, please just take my blood. I know it’s not your fault. An observer might think they were cold. Callous even. But they did their job. They did a blood test I’d been trying to get done for over a week. They followed procedure. And what I needed in that moment wasn’t someone to pat me on the shoulder, no there, there, there. Not even a hug. I needed to cry. Ugly cry if necessary. Because tears are healing. It’s important sometimes to let our pr...