Earth is crammed with heaven

I wore make-up today. As members of The Salvation Army will know, when you wear uniform, you get really good at putting on make-up so it looks natural, as in the old days you weren't allowed to wear any. Rimmel Heather Shimmer lippy was perfect in the '80's,  as it gave you a bit of colour, without being obvious. We had a Zoom gathering this morning, which was lovely. It feels odd celebrating Pentecost separately, so it was good to connect and pray for each other. Then it was a quick change for my appointment with Anglia TV. Hence the make-up... It takes effort to make it look as if you're not wearing any. Smoke and mirrors and all that. I made sure I was wearing an Army hoody, holding a water-bottle with the logo, and even attached my brooch to my costume for the swimming footage. It made us smile anyway. I've never worn uniform as much as I have in the pandemic. Gerald Coates prophesied to The Salvation Army in the early 90's, and part of that was that we woul...

Well, I wasn't expecting that when I got up this morning. Salvation Army officers are often thrown in at the deep end. Not literally, obvs, unless you're on holiday with annoying boys. I'm sorry/not sorry that I keep bleating on about my fundraising swim, but it's taken on a life of it's own this week. This is mainly due to the lovely Chloe, who got in touch with me as part of a Community PR Initiative, and has been publicising it, and the work of Harlow Salvation Army. It started gently. A few emails here and there with links to websites that had printed the story. On Thursday Global Radio wanted a pre-recorded interview. Note to self - when recording in your bedroom, under your dressing gown, add a bit of light and shade to your voice. It was at the end of the news bulletins on Heart Essex this morning, and sounded like I was reading the shipping forecast. This afternoon, I was suddenly invited as a guest on to BBC Essex radio. It. Was. Live. I know! If you want t...

I can't believe it's Friday again. May is usually my favourite month of the year, with it's Bank Holidays at the beginning and end of it, and a few celebrations thrown in for good measure. This May seems to have gone in a flash, and we are sat, dazed, wondering where the days went. Last Sunday we took up the challenge to do something new this week. My 'new thing' has mainly involved the media, who have picked up the story of my Channel swim. The publicity has taken off and has involved lots of calls and emails, and some media training ready for Sunday. I'm hoping that all the extra work will pay off, in terms of funds raised for our church at Harlow. Please sponsor me if you can! It's not about me after all. Karen's tethered Channel-swim Today's highlights have mainly involved making calls. A few this morning were on the phone - pastoral conversations, and sharing in worship and prayer. Then this afternoon visiting colleagues who have become friends....

My hair-straighteners broke today. As if life isn't difficult enough... I'm joking of course. Not about them breaking, they did. But that it can be compared to the difficulties of the present time. They'd had a good innings. I think I bought them about 67yrs ago. Chris often refers to them as my curling tongs, which gives you some clue of how old they are. They'd done half the job they were required to do, before they gave up the ghost. Which made for an interesting hairstyle choice for the day. But the time has come to draw a line. I'm happy to do that, I won't be complaining, or claiming the CEO of Babyliss should be held accountable. Isn't it hard though when things don't play out the way they should? I believe in grace. I believe in mercy. I believe in forgiveness. But that doesn't mean I should accept everything. I try not to hold on to the anger though,  because when I do, the only person who gets hurt is me. And perhaps my family. As I swim in...

Talk about extremes... In the Towers today residents have been: 1. Doing some work at the new house. 2. Supporting a socially-distant loved-one who is grieving.  3. Catching stuff that is thrown at us from all directions. 4. Deciding if we need to hold on to it, or pass it on. 5. Early-morning swimming in the local lake. 6. Keeping on top of social media who are reporting the corps fundraising effort. See here:  Lockdown Channel Swim in Paddling Pool 7. Delivering stuff and visiting church members. 8. Having a little cry, then moving on. 9. Collecting and delivering the weekly food donations. 9. Taking a few moments to catch my breath. I don't share this information so you'll know how busy we are. Long lists of duties of the day don't impress me. It's more that life seems so turbulent at the moment. It felt fragile at first, but now it feels a bit like a tornado, and I can't believe that I'm the only one. Many people face difficulties of all kinds, right now; no...

Testosterone Towers was busy, busy, busy this morning. Busy, in terms of people in it, residents coming and going, and even Daisy has a hair appointment. I'm so jealous. She'll come back all fluffy and lovely, strutting her stuff, and generally showing off because she's beautiful. I, on the other hand, washed my hair in the shower and it's drying naturally as we speak. She wins... Today has been full of distractions. Which shouldn't surprise me, as today my Bible app encouraged me to keep focus on Jesus. Cue noise, stress, things to do and people to ring. For this morning though I decided to focus. There was worship to prepare after all. Scripture to read and songs to consider. In these moments I'm grateful to God for the gift of his spirit. The spirit that calls, leads, challenges and brings clarity to the chaos. His breath in mine brings peace, and power. Today I shall mainly be breathing. Lots of love xx ...

It's time for a Monday evening singalong. Happy Bank Holiday to you. Happy Bank Holiday to you. Happy Bank Holiday to you. Happy Bank Holiday to you. I hope you've had a good one. Testosterone Towers got off to a slow start this morning. (Well I did.) After Nathan's special BH breakfast, it was time for a swim; (Me again) followed by a long walk with Daisy, and ending with the obligatory BBQ. (Not me this time, the boys are cooking.) It's hard to stay positive at the moment. Today has been a lovely day, but it just feels like Groundhog Day. After ten weeks in lockdown together, I guess that's to be expected. We don't get out much.  So three things I'm grateful for are: 1. The beautiful sky today 2. The feeling of being totally surrounded by nature, as if I was forest-bathing in the woods. 3. Sons who can cook.  What are your three things? Lots of love x

Hands up if you've had a good Zoom meeting today? Hands up if you got dressed for it this week, but not last? Hands up if you read scripture in a Zoom meeting, and it hit you between the eyes? We are the body of Christ: 'In fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be' (1 Cor 12:18) Every one of them... Just as he wanted them to be... Let's take a moment to rejoice in who we are. Come on you can do it, try harder! Let's rejoice in who God is; and who we are because of him. Lots of love xx

I felt a little put-out this morning. The lake I swim in every Saturday has recently re-opened. For context, I swim there every Saturday all year round. During the swimming season I also swim there two evenings. I've been swimming there for over three years now. I think I'm within my rights to view it as my swimming place. Until now. It's the only place in the area that's re-opened for swimming. They quite rightly, have worked hard to make it as safe as possible, and are keen to have lots of people swimming there. They've lost a lot of money during the lockdown. However... Today the car-park was full to bursting. There was a queue to pay apparently. And everywhere I looked there was a tall, skinny person in a wetsuit. They don't swim there usually. Some of them, have even turned up their noses to it in the past. Yet there they were. Everywhere. Think flying ants at a picnic. Yes I know, I don't own it. I know they pay their money like me. I even know they...

Today is all about Ryan. Or so he informed me when I asked him for an opening line for this post. It is his birthday after all. May is a busy birthday/anniversary month in the Towers, so we're adjusting to lockdown celebrations. One of the important things I've learnt to do, in managing my mental health, is to take each day as it comes. In the past, a bad day, or few days would freak me out. I'd panic and imagine the worst. These days I try and view things a bit more objectively. The last few days have been tough, and yesterday involved a bit of a meltdown, but it wasn't the end of the world. It just meant I had to make adjustments, be kind to myself, and go to bed with a clean slate. Tomorrow is a new day. Today, by complete contrast, I've been able to work effectively, spent time with people pastorally, and even thrown in a bit of admin for good measure. I don't feel 100% but it's ok. I'm looking forward to us all being together when work is done today...

Today’s words come from someone else’s pen. I have ongoing health issues which flare up from time to time. This one has been a long time coming, but I have a strategy. In my vulnerability I was reminded of these words by Scott Stabile. I offer them in the hope that they may help you too. I see you. I see your strength and courage, your hesitations and fears. I see the way you love others, and your struggle to love yourself. I see how hard you work to grow, and your dedication to heal. I see your vulnerable humanity and your transcendent divinity. I see you, and I love what I see. (Scott Stabile) We are seen. We are loved. Never forget. Lots of love xx

I celebrated Day 65 with two swims.  Not to be confused with two soups. The first was an early one. Birds were singing. The sun was shining. The water was cool, and smooth as silk. On the second I couldn't get the tether right. Someone was using an electric carving knife in the Towers. The water is on the turn. It wasn't quite the treat for the senses that the first was. Wednesdays for us are probably our most predictable day at the moment. We pick up food, we take it to the hall, we annoyingly distract the workers in the Food Bank, we deliver worship sheets and have pastoral conversations. Wednesday usually runs like a well-oiled machine. It feels good to have something familiar to ground us in the middle of the week. At the lake this morning, I took a moment to ground myself in grace again. 'Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me', is my swimming song. May we receive from Him a fresh outpouring of his love as this day draws to a close. Lord, you are our shepherd,...

There are some strange noises coming from the garden this afternoon. After a little confusion, I was pleased to discover it was Nathan. The garden is where he does his gym workout. It's not had much use lately,  which is most out of character for someone who prides himself on his six-pack. Sun's out, guns out and all that... (Apparently) I think it's hard for teenagers in education at the moment. Especially years 11 & 13. They've spent most of their years focussing on exams. There's always been something to study, to revise, to prepare for, until now. Add to that the lack of socialisation, no sport, and no football, and the world as they know it is completely different. Nothing is left. It's not original thoughts I'm having, I know,  but it bothers me, and I wonder if they have been overlooked a bit, they're so happy on their screens after all. (Makes note to self, to get in touch with the ones from our church.) The last few days have been fairly qui...

We went on the M25 today. The last time we travelled on a motorway was exactly 9 weeks ago,  but we had no idea that we were about to go into self-isolation. Maybe it's just as well?   We'd conducted a family dedication on March 15th, stayed overnight, then travelled home via Clevedon Marine Lake. It was a beautiful day, if a little chilly. I had a swim with some of the regulars there, then we had a walk along the front. It's always a trip down memory-lane when we go to Clevedon. "Do you remember that really hot day we had a picnic and played cricket? Wasn't it funny when the boys...? Grandad-Fred always loved it here, remember when he...?" J.M. Barrie writes  'God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.' And isn't it especially true at the moment,  that our memories are one of the things that help us keep going? Add to that a few hopes and dreams and we're back in the game. So back to today. I can't say I've missed trav...

I declared today, 'Paint like a toddler' day, in Testosterone Towers. It's a day when, should you wish, you put small pools of paint on a piece of card, take out your brushes and sponges, and start painting. There's no plan, no design,  no sense of what it will become, you just put paint onto paper and let your mind take you,  and your brushes, where it will. It's one of my favourite things to do when I need some clarity. The other residents of the Towers are not quite so keen. I love the process of creating. It often leads me to prayer; reflection, and scripture. I'm not good at design; of coming up with ideas, but this I can do. I'm happy to go with the flow. To make something beautiful, to me, of a few random splodges. I'm reminded that the God I know, and love is a creator. Scripture says I, and you too, am the crown of his creation. Sometimes I need to remember that God alone knows what tomorrow holds. He may not share the plan, or strategy with us,...

I fell out of bed last night. I have a vague recollection of falling in a dream, then I was woken by Chris, who had to wake me as I was sleeping quite happily on the floor. The last few days have felt like I’m sleepwalking so here’s a video I did earlier. When you run out of things to say, it's usually best to say nothing. So instead I turned to sharing this week's worship sheet with a lady from the corps. I remembered again the importance of waiting. The disciples had to wait for a while until the Spirit came. It's in the waiting time that we rest in the promises of God. "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses..." Acts 1:8 Lots of love x

I went to my happy place today. It's a few miles from here,  and has endless places to walk,  water to look at NOT swim in, and when there isn't a pandemic, a place where Daisy and I can get coffee. She prefers water, but likes to pretend she's having coffee. By 'eck it was good to be back. Last time I was there was in February. Daisy was beside herself with joy, though to be fair, most things fill her with joy, it's part of being a dog apparently. I'm struggling with the cold after my swims at the moment. The temperature has dropped dramatically this week,  and I could really do with spending longer swimming,  if I'm to complete the challenge before Christmas. The thing is I know what to do when I swim in cold water. My body tells me when it's time to get out. In an ideal world, I should be out before my body starts to tell me. I know to get changed quickly; lots of layers, socks and hat, and a warm drink as soon as possible. I have my dryrobe to comple...

Last night I dreamt I went to the hairdressers again. You can have 10 points if you can tell me where that misquote comes from. Sadly it wasn't true, and I woke to find my mermaid streaks are still fading. But as dreams go it was quite a nice one. Today has been a bit of a mish-mash. I spent some time at the hall, helping to put threatening messages on the clothing bank. People have been leaving stuff/fly-tipping,  as it understandably hasn't been emptied since the pandemic began. Next step will be to put a big face-mask round it and declare it contagious. I'll keep you posted. When the pandemic began, I felt it important to take the long-view. It was no use getting caught up in things we couldn't sustain. What that means now, is we're able to look rationally at the needs of the community, and respond where we can. People are becoming increasingly vulnerable, socially and economically, which is triggering all sorts of other issue. There are ongoing problems which me...

I had an omelette today. A couple of eggs and some butter, then add whatever you like. I decided to add flour and sugar. Ok it was cake. I ate cake. Today I felt beaten (egg pun) before I started. As I was cleaning my teeth I thought, “Yesterday you were a gift to the church, today you’re a big, fat let-down.” I don’t know what your inner critic is like, but mine is mean. Really mean. I ignored her for a bit and did some work, until I realised today needed to be a cocooning day. A day when I take time by myself, doing things I know fuel my soul, so I can emerge another day. So I’ve drunk coffee and ate cake. I wouldn’t recommend that as an eating plan long-term, but I have cake leftovers from my birthday. I watched ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ while colouring; which ended up being a time of prayer and space with God. A glimpse again, of the unforced rhythms of grace. The key for me, to managing my mental health, is listening to my body, my soul and my spirit. The wo...

I washed my hair today. It's noteworthy for two reasons: 1. I haven't used shampoo or products on my hair for over eight weeks now, so yes, I did use an egg. 2. I tweeted this yesterday at 3.30pm, "A few days ago I was ready for anything. Today I'm eating too much chocolate, can't remember when I last washed my hair, and wondering if it's too early to go to bed. Please tell me I'm not the only one." I wasn't, as it turned out.  Lots of us are experiencing extremes - for me it's emotional or energy levels, but whatever yours are, it's normal! One of the first things I was invited to when we arrived in Harlow, was a gathering of women clergy in the area. They call themselves 'Ladies wot lunch', and we meet to eat and pray together. Today we met on Zoom. I wasn't sure about it at first, as I thought it might be weird. But after we'd got the 'number of funerals we'd done recently' competition out of the way, (I lost)...

We had a little family outing to Chelmsford today. Not because we were disregarding the Stay at Home guidance, but because we needed two cars, and some muscle, to collect food donations from the Regional Food Hub. I then helped sort food out at the hall for a while. Not because Lorraine couldn't do it herself,  but because sometimes a routine job is what is required,  and today was one of those days. The pool temperature was 12 degrees this morning. It was nice of the weather to change, so that it resembled the conditions of the English Channel. Did I mention I've upgraded my swim from 10k to 21 miles?  A Channel swim in a paddling pool in Essex... I'm about halfway there, so it's still a bit daunting at the moment. As my body reacted to the extreme temperature, I was reminded of the way life changes so quickly at the moment. One day I'm basking in 20 degrees, and the next, the water temp has dropped by 8 degrees. A similar thing happened overnight, as family member...

Part of me was dreading my birthday yesterday. We usually make quite a lot of birthdays in Testosterone Towers. We take the day off if we can; often go to the cinema, or to the sea, and eat out in the evening. A lockdown birthday held none of the 'normal' but it was lovely just the same. I swam three times - 52 minutes in total, one for every year. I also completed a swimming challenge I'd set myself in honour of VE Day and my birthday; 2.4km later, and I'd swum the distance from Alcatraz to San Francisco. Time for cake.  Lots of cake. Today's Zoom gathering was very relaxed. We shared, we prayed, we read scripture. We talked, we laughed, we had cake. Well I did... We considered the lilies of the field, the birds of the air, and remembered that God has it all in hand,  even though things may not turn out as we planned or hoped. I think weekends in lockdown are hard for people. We miss being connected. It's hard to keep perspective, especially today as we await t...

The big news from Testosterone Towers today is... It's my birthday and I'm 52! I know! As it's my first-ever lockdown birthday, and I'm likely to be in a cake-coma before too long, today's post is an early one. Highlights so far have been a delivery of a sweet hamper, a cooked breakfast before Joel went to work. and copious amounts of cake. I'm also planning on swimming for 52 minutes today, in honour of my advancing years; reading an old-favourite in the garden, and a family 'get-together' later. I reassured the residents of the Towers that they didn't have to entertain me every minute... (Please Lord, no.) Full marks awarded for home-made decorations though. Lots of love xx

The 75th Anniversary of VE Day. Bank Holiday Friday, just in case you weren't already confused as to what day it is. I felt a bit achy when I woke this morning and wasn't sure why for a moment; until I remembered I'd had a moonlit dip just before 10pm last night. The Supermoon over Harlow It's something I have done in the past with my Secret Mermaids group, and although I'd rather be swimming with them in a lake,  I took the opportunity to advertise my sponsored swim, and got some extra donations. Testosterone Towers paused at 11am for the two minutes silence. As I watched the footage of the children who were evacuated, I found it quite moving to remember people who had attended our churches over the years, who had been among their number. So I made some coffee, grabbed the phone and the visitors book, and rang some of the older members of our congregation. What a blessing they are. Such a wealth of wisdom, stoicism, and humour. A bit later I finished Margaret Silf...

A late entry for yesterday's post means there's not much to report. Today has been a bit of a mish-mash. Chris and I tuned in to the Pioneer Network Gathering together. Comment was made about the fact that those without their camera on were obviously not morning people. Ours wasn't on because I was still in my pj's. I'm loving Zoom! I've gained such a lot this week from accessing this conference. Our Divisional Officers Retreat was cancelled due to the pandemic, so being able to sit and receive has been a real blessing. The fact that it was online meant we had all the benefits, without the things I find difficult at conferences. So it was a win/win for me! Thank you Andrew Vertigan. A walk, a long swim of 675m, and a Zoom meeting with my niece who is researching our family tree; brought us to the end of the afternoon. I'm conscious that my mood has been a bit up and down today. It's ok, but I need to note it, and be kind to myself. I'm glad tomorrow ...

Sorry I'm late, we've been to Nandos. Joel and Nathan did a food shop today, and cooked dinner a la Nandos. It had everything: two flavours of chicken, halloumi, rice, salad, fries and onion rings. Very cheeky. No, I've no idea why Nandos is cheeky either. It reminded me that we've been learning new culinary skills during lockdown. Over the last few years, due to illness, I've gradually off-loaded my responsibilities as Head Chef of Testosterone Towers. Chris more or less assumed that role; but we all take a turn. Ryan now makes yorkshire puddings from scratch.  We'd forgotten how much we love toad-in-the-hole. Chris even made soup yesterday. I know! Joel can turn his hand to most things, as he studied catering for a while, and Nathan is expanding his repertoire, while perfecting his signature dish of eggs any style, with bacon cooked to perfection. It's good to try new things. If you feel like it, obviously, not from th...

I had a lovely chat with my editor this afternoon. I've always wanted to say that! Well when I say 'my', I mean he's the editor of Salvationist, who just happens to edit my blog for use in that publication. But a girl can dream. Today has been filled with moments of joy. Regular readers may recall that yesterday I was trying to put things in place that would enhance well-being: our own, and that of our team. I didn't actively seek joy today, but it kind of found me, and there were things that made me smile or giggle to myself. The first thing was a doorstep 'pastoral visit'. I use the term loosely, as it was also her birthday, and involved Chris and I singing Happy birthday very loudly from a distance, and then getting a bit closer to pray together. These doorstep visits might just catch on. We took Daisy with us too. Not so much for her singing abilities or pastoral gifts, but because we passed Harlow Town Park on the way back, and took the oppo...

Mondays are usually our day off. Today however, I decided to put a few meetings in place to help us deal with the current situation and the days and weeks ahead. I have a growing concern for Key-Workers. There are the obvious ones for those who work in the NHS or as carers. Then there are the others who, along with us, are viewed as essential workers, though it may not be obvious at first glance. As they are working in the local community, often harder and with longer hours than pre-covid19, I'm conscious that the experience of lockdown differs greatly from person to person. I guess I'm concerned that as restrictions change or lift, those who have been unable to work will be chomping at the bit and raring to go; and Key-Workers will be collapsed in a heap, rocking quietly in a corner. Or maybe that will just be me? In that case, please send coffee. And cake. And a pillow and blanket. Today's meetings ended in tears; (Mine) and relief. (Mine again, and I ...

Are you a morning person or a night owl? I don't think I'm either really. I may have a couple of hours around the middle of the day, but I wouldn't swear to it. Today is National Dawn Chorus day. so at 8am this morning I went on a virtual walk with my friend Jenny. It was 5am when she went, but I couldn't manage that, so I caught up later. It was incredible hearing the birdsong, seeing the views, and listening to the lovely Jenny's bird impressions as she identified them for us. It gave me lovely thoughts about singing a new song etc, which I shared with the church people on our Zoom meeting. When we were walking Daisy earlier, we heard some news. A friend from my teenage years has passed away. I was trying to explain to the boys how you can rarely see someone, hardly ever communicate with them, but they are still really precious to you. We used to sing together in the choir at my home church. I can remember her helping me learn the words to som...

Saturdays in lockdown are not my favourite. I miss Team Pants. I miss the lake. I miss normality. I feel bad as I type that. I know how fortunate I am. Nevertheless... We went for a walk in the woods, and as we got home, I realised I couldn't find my phone. I'd been looking forward to a long swim. The water has been cold in the rain this week, so I haven't been able to stay in very long. I got straight into the water, while Chris retraced our steps looking for my phone. I did half an hour! My longest swim for months, and 825 metres. Boom! However, Chris returned empty-handed and I had no option but to cancel my SIM. Only I could lose my phone during lockdown. I felt angry with myself, and a little tearful. I know. Nathan was doing his work-out in the garden. I heard him answer his phone, a little breathless as he was mid-set, (I don't know what that means either.) "It's my Mum's!" Rejoice with me, for that which was lost has b...

Today I'd like to take a moment to tell you about 'My Boys'. A phrase that is never far from my lips. Now, before you stop reading because you think this is one of those smug Christian posts about how wonderful my kids are because we followed the formula of upbringing that turns out perfect children, stop a minute. Then if you find it is one of those smug posts you can hit me over the head with a smelly sock. They are not perfect, you won't be surprised to know. Over the last few weeks you'll have caught a glimpse of some of the trials and tribulations we face as part of normal life in Testosterone Towers. They argue, they wind me up, they stay out until the early hours of the morning on occasion, they tell bad jokes, they break wind, they make a mess around the place, and sometimes say rude words. However they are also very funny, generous, and kind. They are sometimes thoughtful, and when push comes to shove they will defend each other fiercely, with co...