Earth is crammed with heaven

I'm not one for New Year Resolutions. January can be tough enough without adding the F word of fail to my weak attempts at getting thin and fit. However I have learnt a few things this year which I am happy to share. 1. God is everywhere. I mean really everywhere. There is no place where I am that He is not. So every fear Every failure Any revelation I never knew Is known And felt And understood... I mean really understood by him. Nothing without him. 2. I don't need to rush. God told me this on Christmas Eve. Take your time. Be measured. Deliberate. I don't accomplish any more by rushing. It just sends my anxiety levels rocketing. He knows what I need to do. Trust him. 3. Other people's opinions vary. Enormously. What they think of me has no bearing on anything. Ooh that was a tough one for a recovering people-pleaser to hear. You can imagine. Ultimately The only opinion that counts is God's. And He often expects less of me than I...

It was a dark, rainy night. At the end of the shortest day of the year, she held her breath as she entered the water. As she exhaled, she felt it leave; the stress the angst the pressure of life and ministry. And when she inhaled? She felt freedom like no other. In that moment, there was nothing in the world that mattered, but her breath. Her oneness with the elements. Her communion with God himself who promised that she would know the truth, and the truth would set her free. The mystery and power overwhelmed her. She felt human again. No, more than that. She felt whole. A completeness that was long overdue, after weeks of wondering if others were aware of her humanity, amid it all. She gave it all to the One who loved her so much that he became human, like she was. If anyone understood, it was him. And as she left the water it felt like a baptism. Light, life and love... Healing. Cleansing. Restoration. “Flow through my soul, redeem its desert places, and make a garden there for the L...

Well that escalated quickly! After the shock of yesterday’s announcement, with it’s accompanying calls, explanations and tears, it felt a privilege to be able to meet for worship this morning. When everything falls apart, we return to what we know. In the beginning was the word... The light shines in the darkness... The darkness has not, will not, cannot put it out. We were angry, upset, frustrated and sad, but we brought it all to Emmanuel, God with us. He came into the muck, and the mess of the world, and became one of us. And still... Still God imparts to human hearts,  the blessings of his heaven. Life may be a rude word at the moment,  but Christmas isn’t cancelled. It can’t be. Thinking of you all, and sending love xx

I have been really conflicted this week. It’s been the b-word, as you’d expect, but there’s been a sense of accomplishment too. I struggle with the broadcasting of every little thing people do. I know some people do it for prayer-support, and to encourage people to donate, and I get that. But there’s something I find very moving about people going about their business with humility and grace, and no camera Really moving... At the same time, I’m so proud of our church. The work they do. The people they help. The lives they change. That’s why I’m conflicted. I want to pay tribute to them. They truly are incredible. Speaking of which, I spotted this little beauty in the car park at the hall. Just doing it’s thing... I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

It was High 5’s all round at the hall this afternoon. At least it would have been, if that had been allowed. We’re in Tier 3 now after all. Our reason for rejoicing is the toy parcels are all completed, and just one lot left to be collected. We had our busiest Foodbank since April, and all our phone messages are dealt with. For now, anyway. I did however, sing four syllables of the Hallelujah Chorus to celebrate, and told anyone who would listen, what a good job we had all done. Encouragement is such a motivator for me at the moment. “Be the change”, and all that. Today’s events began at 6.30am, when I left home for a swim.                           Sunrise  They end tonight with a Zoom meeting,  with a dear friend, that I haven’t had a proper conversation with in years. PJ’s, chocolate and a nice warm drink are compulsory.  I didn’t make the rules. I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx

There’s no feeling quite like that sinking one, is there? Your stomach lurches, and your head spins as you gaze in disbelief. That work you spent hours on yesterday? Gone. Disappeared. Lost forever in the place where the lost things go. It was frustrating. You can imagine. It was virtually all the work for the worship sheets, from now until after Christmas. *Rude words* But then I sat this afternoon, and I wrote. A bit more creatively this time.  Incorporating Chris’s thoughts, less as a copy and paste, and more as the gift that they are. Especially after all this time. I went right up to Christmas Day and beyond. Weaving, Drawing, Travelling. It’s a privilege to share Jesus with others. Especially at Christmas. Especially after the year we’ve had. Particularly as we enter Tier 3 at midnight. As I write this post, I whisper a prayer of thanks to the One who became a human being, and lived among us. The one who brings light, life and love. The hopes and fears of all the years are me...

Isn’t it amazing when dreams come true? Mine did today. Ok, it wasn’t much of a dream. More of a longing. A hope. A desire. Ok.  Food. It was about food! It involved our local coffee shop, that became a regular haunt of ours in the summer. I loved it before, but out of the blue, they chose to collect toys from their customers for our toy appeal. It turns out their customers are really generous. After a cold, rainy swim, I went for coffee and food with my swim-buddy. As I sat with coffee, just the way I like it; avocado on sourdough toast, with bacon and eggs; I exhaled slowly. God was in his heaven, and all was right with the world.  I heard today of an area in Italy that can’t produce it’s finest wine every year. The area is so small that conditions have to be perfect. On years when it’s too cold, or too hot, or too wet, they have to be patient, and hope for a better year to come. Whatever happens, there is always hope. Hope of better days. Hope that life can be wonderful, ev...

I take it all back. All that stuff a few weeks ago about being stressed about not being stressed. I definitely spoke too soon. Although, in my defence, I was right that we can’t prepare for the unexpected. Facing it as it comes has been hard this week. But the toy parcels are ready for collection, I think.  We’ve had to be much more clinical than usual, and accept that we can’t do everything. Well done that man who pointed us to scripture at the start of the pandemic. Like the woman who anointed Jesus, we do what we can. It’s hard not to judge yourself against others though. There are lots of posts at the moment about the things everyone is doing, and it’s hard not to get caught up, or down, in it all. But I do feel for those who, for one reason or another, see those posts and feel less-than. If that’s you, I see you. I’ll stand with you in the “we did what we could’ corner. Jesus is there too. Anyway, that’s me for today. I hope you’ve had a good day. Lots of love xx Our band, las...

Tuesday has developed a bit of a pattern over the past few months. I spend the morning preparing or finalising this week’s Wonder-full Worship sheet. Some weeks it is a real slog. Then others, like this week, I wake with exact plans of what I need to write. I did get Chris to read it through, though. Sometimes, as a preacher, you can end up churning out similar stuff every week, if you’re not careful.  Especially if you have a theme. It’s good to have a second opinion. Tuesday afternoons seem to involve a major loss of energy. It’s hard to explain it. Especially as Monday is our day off, so technically I should be rested. I’m starting to go with it though. I don’t like it, but fighting it doesn’t work, so I’m learning to take it easier when it hits.  Today I listened to some podcasts while resting my eyes. It seemed to do the trick. Tomorrow is another day. I hope you’ve had a good day. Rest well. Lots of love xx

I wore my new red boots today. It was our day off, and they matched my Christmas jumper so I had to wear them. They’ve been in my wardrobe since September, but it never seemed the right moment. Today I remembered that every day is the right day to do something that sparks joy. Red footwear does that for me. It’s a long story. What sparks joy for you? Go on, you know you want to. Lots of love xx

I was woken this morning by a loud thud and a relatively, rude word. The oldest resident of Testosterone Towers fell on the stairs, while carrying two full cups of tea and a banana. He’s ok. The newly-painted wall is more or less unscathed, and the soggy carpet will dry. All’s well that ends well. Fast forward a few hours and we’re back worshiping at the church, and I’m preaching that our journey often doesn’t work out as we planned. Oh how we laughed. On this second Sunday in Advent, I’m grateful for a God of surprises, who speaks through the ordinary stuff of life. “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.”  Isaiah 9:2 Lots of love xx

It was back to the lake this morning for the coldest swim of the season so far. I haven’t been able to swim there since before the second lockdown, and much as I love the river, it was good to be there. Team Pants was out in full today. It’s not the same without the hugs, and the selfies, but it’s always good to be together. The lake welcomed me by being beautiful, if a little chilly. It was good to be home. Some of us stopped off at Pete’s cafe on the way home. He’s a familiar figure, and supporter of Team Pants, and as I tucked into my freshly-made baguette, with so much crispy bacon, it was overflowing; I declared, “Why do we ever go anywhere else when the food tastes like this here?” Life is often different to how we would prefer it to be, even pre-COVID-19. This year has been one of ‘making-do’. Of acceptance, sometimes grudgingly, of things not being the way we’d like. But today reminded me of the joy to be found in ordinary things. Perhaps the fact that they happen less often, m...

I’ve just got back from a quick walk around the block with Daisy. By ‘eck it’s cold. We haven’t been blessed with snow in Harlow, unfortunately. We have, however, had rain.  Lots of it. So much so, that when I tried to get home after delivering our Advent Blessing bags this morning, I had to keep turning back as the roads were flooded. Eventually, I stopped in Chipping Ongar to use the loo; Phoned Chris to tell him I wasn’t sure when I’d be home; Then grabbed a sandwich from the local supermarket. I had coffee in a flask,  so I was sorted. I had one more try in the direction of home, and was turned back, then  finally realised if I went in the opposite direction, I would eventually get to the motorway. It was a ridiculously long way round. It made no sense to travel that way. I could have been halfway to Manchester in the time it took me. But it was the only way to get home. And isn’t it true, that we’re all just trying to find our way home? How far is it to Bethlehem? No...

It’s been raining all day. Heavy. Icy. Very, very wet. Perfect weather for delivering Bags of Blessings for Advent. Did I mention the bags are made of paper? Chris and I were grateful again to the town planner, who decided to number the houses as they were built... Odd numbers on one side, and even on the other, is not the pattern for Harlow. Oh no! We were quite grumpy at the start. Well when I say we, I mean me. Obvs. Our charity shop re-opened today. Lorraine has worked tirelessly to get it cleared and sorted, and COVID secure. It’s been closed since March, so you can imagine how excited everyone is. Chris has just popped out for a food shop. I’m so glad it’s him that does the cooking. I have no brain space for it at the moment. On this miserable, wintry day, may we know the light of life amid the gloom. The true light, that brings light to everyone, was coming into the world. John 1:9 Lots of love xx

Ministry is varied. No surprise there. But just occasionally,you have a day when it all comes together, and forms a whole.  A sense of completeness, amongst the individual tasks. This is why I’m here. This is what I was called to. Life is messy and imperfect, but every so often you get a sense of being part of something much bigger than yourself. That your brokenness is the very thing that connects you with those who cross your path. That God loves you just as you are. Really. Truly. People see Him when they look at you. He uses your stuff to help people know him better. You can live loved, because you are. ”Take your everyday, ordinary life... and place it before God as an offering.” Romans 12:1 Lots of love xx

It was 11yrs ago yesterday that I graduated with a BA (Hons) in Pastoral Care with Psychology. It was a day of great joy. I remember beaming as I placed the mortar board on my head, and that was it for the rest of the day. One of the photos that always makes me smile is of my feet. I graduated in uniform, but wanted something special to wear, so I bought new shoes. They were black court shoes. Obvs. But they had 5 inch heels. I loved them. Walking in them, however, was another matter. I’d practiced at home, but I’d forgotten one simple thing. Walking on carpet is a doddle, compared to walking outside. I spent most of the day asking people if I could link arms with them as I walked.  Although I did manage to go up for my scroll, all by myself, without mishap. Today has been a day of asking for, and accepting help.  It doesn’t always come naturally does it? You don’t like to put on people.  Everyone is busy with their own stuff. But in my experience, people don’t offer to h...