Earth is crammed with heaven

In the hours just before dawn The pains began. She was unsure at first She’d never done this before Was she ill? Morning came with the realisation that this was it. Everything she’d heard Trusted Believed; Had been leading her to this moment. As the rhythms took hold she surrendered. Ancient wisdom transformed her youthful body into a vessel of knowledge. When her pain was at its greatest she cried out. And as it ebbed she breathed, Gulping breaths of heaven. She was still. Waiting. Trusting. Hoping. Believing. “The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.”

I used to love Christmas cards. Part of me still does. Remember the days pre-social media? The contact from people we hadn’t seen for years. The catch up on their news. The pledge to ‘get together soon.’ This year For the first time ever I haven’t written even one Christmas card. The reasons for this are as follows: 1. I couldn’t find them and I didn’t want to buy more. 2. I haven’t quite found the time. 3. I’m a rebel who can’t be tamed. (One of those may not be true.) Strangely enough the ones I feel bad about are the ones for our congregation. Which is weird as I’ll be seeing most of them to wish them the blessings of the season, in person. I think I don’t want them to feel forgotten, Because they’re not. Not thought about, Because they are. Unloved, Because they’re not. Even the trickier ones... The truth is I found the cards yesterday. I’d put them in a safe place. I can just about find time to write them. But I’m not going to. I’m weary and would...

How long does it take for a dream to come true? How long do you wait for a prayer to be answered? How many times do you shake your fist at God as you shout “Still? Waiting?” The truth is I don’t know. I do however, know the reality of living with unanswered prayers. The silent cries of desperation. The endless longing for things to be different. The angry “What possible reason could you have?” There are so many things I don’t know. I wish I did. I do know this however; I know that God loves me. I know he hears every cry of my heart. I know that he is Immanuel God with us. I know that God comes to me in many ways. In my darkest days he has come as the Lamb of God and let me cry into his wool. I know there is nowhere I can go that God is not. I know he doesn’t mind when I ask over and over, to trace the marks on his hands, the wound in his side, that I might believe. I know that the darkest time is just before the dawn. Still? Waiting? Hold on in the da...

I go for blood tests quite often. If I time it right I can get a number, A flat-white from Costa Then sit and wait for my number to come up. It's all in the detail. A few weeks ago I saw a lady I knew through work. We had that moment of checking whether we both wanted to make eye-contact. She did. I did. A hug later and we were chatting. Before long we were past the chit-chat and into personal territory, And she told me something she hadn't told anyone before, she thought I might understand. I did. I got it. The thing she couldn't tell anyone. The thing that felt like the worst thing in the world. The thing that I'd only expressed myself a few times. I knew. Her face lit up. She hugged me, She went on her way. I waited for my blood test. Grateful. Proud. Excited. And yes, blessed (no hashtag required) Blessed to be the one who listens, Who nods. Who understands because she's been there herself, Often. Blessed to be the one who ...

Chris and I thought we'd get ahead a bit last week. We had a couple of hours before I was due at the church, so off we popped to our local Supermarket. With list and vouchers for extra points we were on a roll! Toys for the Toy Appeal. Stuff for the Christmas Services. Presents for the volunteers. We were dead chuffed with ourselves. Until Chris was transferring stuff from the trolley, that is. To cut a long story short, the next few hours involved blood and bandages, glue and steri-strips, and a couple of hours at A and E. The boys all reverted to type. Joel came to meet me to take Chris to hospital. Ryan stayed at home as he has history with blood and stuff, but phoned when I was nearly home and was ready with a hug and a cup of tea. Nathan dispensed hugs too, and uttered the immortal words "Do we need a chocolate run?"  I sat at home and waited. Still. Trying not to dwell on the fact that this is the worst possible time for  Chris to be injure...