Earth is crammed with heaven

There's been a bit of traffic on the blog lately. Apart from my writing that is. There seems to have been a big pause on that front. I did an interview for a national publication that was published this week. It's not as grand as it sounds, trust me. I responded to the questions several months ago, and wasn't sure when it would go to print. I realised it had when a friend sent me a message, She loved it; Thanked me for 'keeping it real'. And that got me thinking. In my line of work, I believe I have an obligation to honesty. I am a truth teller. A life-liver. A joy-seeker. And in truth, that's not always the most comfortable place to be. But if I don't 'keep it real' who will? If I am not honest about the fact that life in all it's fullness is hard sometimes, often.... then why write? why preach? why speak? Recently I believed I was entering another episode of depression. A blood test later, an adjustment in medicati...

I turn 50 tomorrow. I know. I'm shocked too. I always thought I'd have a big party to celebrate. You know what a party animal I am. Except when I thought about it, I realised I'm not at all. I just like to dance. Any time, any place, anywhere. Apart from that I prefer good food and laughter with a few friends who won't take much persuading to dance with me anyway. The truth is that the last few years have been a journey of self-discovery. I've struggled hard to discover what works for me amid the reality of long-term illness. The key word there is struggle and as I commence a new decade I realise I'm done struggling. It's time for acceptance. My working life Family life Personal life is completely different to 10 years ago, because life has happened. I may not be the person I used to be, but you know, I think that's ok. When I turned 49 I set out to do 50 new things in my 50th year. A few of them are swimming related, you ...

I slipped on the ice on Tuesday. Well, when I say slipped, it was quite a spectacular fall. Darcy Bussell would have been impressed with my lines. After my head ricocheted off the ground, I lay doing my impression of a starfish, and closed my eyes, not sure what would happen next as the tears started. Within seconds I was surrounded. Half the hairdressing salon had borne witness. (That will be helpful in my dealings with Tesco who hadn't gritted their land.) The nice man from the Estate Agents helped too. Within minutes I was sat in the warm, being given First Aid. The kindness of strangers was overwhelming. Two days later the only thing that really hurts is my neck. All the way round. The Dr says my tissues and muscles are damaged. And you know what is most painful? Lifting my head..... I know. And so these are my thoughts: No matter how careful we are, there will be times when we fall. It will hurt, but there will be people ready to lift us again. ...

I have two favourite quotes about Autumn. 1. Autumn is a second Spring (Albert Camus) 2. The trees are showing us how beautiful it can be to let things go. (Anon/I don't know) I love the beauty of Autumn. The colours The smells The tastes. But if I'm not careful, it's spoilt by the fear of what's to come, A grey, dark, miserable winter. I have recently had a diagnosis from a specialist for the illness I've lived with for most of my life. I always knew it was depression. Her official diagnosis is Recurrent Episodic Depression caused by biological factors rather than life's circumstances. She describes it often as a disease of the brain. Her diagnosis has changed nothing in one sense. My medication has been adjusted and I have horrible side-effects. I'm on a phased return to work after 6 months off. I wake every day not knowing how my illness will effect me. However I have a new-found love and appreciation for the 'Sick not Weak...

I got a little bit cross today. I know. I was surprised too... Testosterone Towers is a football house. There's no escaping it. Believe me I've tried. Today,  being Saturday, a match was on the telly. And that's when it started ; The shouting The whining The helpful advice for the ref. Football With its ups and downs Is part of life in these parts. But we're not just spectators in this house. We're players too. Many a happy Saturday or Sunday has been spent in or around the football pitch. Come fair weather or foul. Today I was reminded of the practice of some teams we watched. After a goal was scored, For or against, Someone in the team would shout, IT'S NIL-NIL! I'm not going to lie, It used to really annoy me. But today I can see the attraction. Let's put all our efforts into now. As if the past has never been. Let's start afresh. Let's put the past, it's joys and sorrows, where it belongs. My work? It's ...

God told me to go for a swim this morning. I know! You'd think with Brexit, and Trump, and the Middle-East God would have more important things to think about. But nevertheless, this morning, when the options were 1. Go for a swim in the lake 2. Take Daisy for a walk 3. Go to church, though Chris is preaching on a subject close to home and I'm off sick, God sent me swimming. The road to the lake is a winding one. The men in the big white car behind me, clearly wanted to get in the car with me. They beeped goodbye to me as I turned off, and gave me a special wave. At least I think that's what it was.... Anyway, for those who don't know I've recently started wild swimming. The option is either to swim in a wetsuit, complete with hat and goggles; or in 'skins', which isn't nearly as rude as it sounds, but means you swim in a costume, with hat and goggles and a tow-float so you can be seen. I swim in 'skins'. The only fa...

I went to see The Shack on Monday. Now if by this point, you're starting to bristle.... and want to talk to me about it's theological soundness.... please, stop reading now. Because in the nicest possible way, (obviously); I don't really care. (In love....) After starting to emerge from the worst depressive episode I've ever experienced, in 23 years of the illness, and finally getting the courage to write again, I've decided to give you my thoughts. To 'speak of what I know' (John Gowans) I offer you nothing more than that. So, back to The Shack. I read it back in 2008. I read it as it is published, as a work of fiction. It spoke to my heart and my soul. The idea that God: Father Son Spirit comes to us exactly how we need him in that moment is one I can run with. The film did the same. Challenged me. Inspired me. Met me deep within. There were times when I needed to suspend belief, but that's what cinema is for isn...