Earth is crammed with heaven

The sun shines today. The breeze is weak and leaves me wanting more. Birds chirrup in the trees And I wish I could see within the thick, leafy branches that protect them. Sport is on today. Men in black with whistles, Or white coats and wavy arms, Or in blazer with microphone Keep order. And I wish I could click my heels and be by the sea. Life happens today. Conversations and choices Food and drink Work and rest And I wish I could hand over the reins to someone else for a while. God is here today. In the breath that I breathe The words that I read The life that is mine And I wish..... I wish I could know.... "TRUST ME"

I've been quite quiet on the blog lately. You may have noticed. Equally you may not. It's not all about me after all. I had thought about posting something from the Archives. Until about 5 mins ago when I read "Your story: What silences you?" The truth is that my ongoing battle with depression, or the black dog as it's affectionately known, frequently silences me. Not because of brain fog Or lack of concentration Or other symptoms of depression. But more a sense of disappointment, devastation, maybe even shame, that I'm in that place once again. It's hard for me to accept that all the coping mechanisms I put in place: The walking The running The quiet times The trying to pace myself and not take on too much The CBT Have all failed me. Again. So here I am Signed off sick. Ordered to self-care While trying to silence the voice of the enemy that says I'm a failure. I'm letting people down. I'm in the wrong job. ...

I had a bit of an epiphany today. You know those moments when the penny drops? When things begin to make, if not complete sense, then at least a bit more sense than they did before. Over the past few weeks my depression has been causing me quite a lot of difficulty. My struggle with it has been well documented on this blog. In conversation this afternoon,  I was talking with a friend about a decision I was struggling to make. I joked about the inner voices that were telling me different options. As I told her what the strictest version of myself was telling me to do, I suddenly had this picture in my mind of me In full Salvation Army uniform Button-up collar And.... wait for it.... Bonnet! I know! In other words, it was a flash-back to the version of myself that existed 20 years ago. There is photographic evidence available on request... It was the me with a huge sense of 'duty'. The me that said yes to everything that was asked of me. The me that...

Gardening doesn't come naturally to me. I think I may have blogged about it before. A few years ago,  my friend who is a keen gardener, bought me some strawberry plants and a special strawberry planter  for my birthday. I hadn't been very well at the time and she knew that there was something about gardening that helps. I duly planted them  but didn't look after them very well so we ended up with about two strawberries in total. The planter has sat mocking me ever since. Until today when I filled it with fresh compost and planted the strawberry plants I'd bought at B & Q 3 weeks ago. And that was it. I was off! With my gardening gloves and my new compost and my lavender plant. Then me and my secateurs went to war on the brambles. Why on earth did God invent brambles? They wind, they choke, and they get everywhere. And by 'eck their thorns hurt! I have a camellia plant that my in-laws bought u...

Yes you read the title right. I haven't eaten chocolate since before the beginning of  Lent. I know! I'm as surprised as you. Especially as it was the very thing I swore I wouldn't do, the whole 'giving up' thing. I commenced my physical, emotional and spiritual de-cluttering on Ash Wednesday. And as the days passed and things were cleared away, I began to realise I hadn't eaten chocolate. Or drank diet coke/pepsi. And what was more surprising was, I didn't really miss them. Not at first anyway. As I was clearing away the stuff that crowds in on my life, it was putting the things I relied on in plain sight. When things go wrong, when difficulties arise, when life got tough I'd reach for the cans and the Cadbury's. Now don't misunderstand me; I know there are much worse things I could be reaching for. But as I attempt to lead a life in full reliance on God, I became aware that I needed to make God my chocolate, Prayer ...

I love going to the cinema. I don't really mind what film we see, as it's the experience I enjoy. The big screen. My coffee. Popcorn if the boys are with me. Or a few snacks if it's just Chris and I. I love films. And I have a range of films I see over and over... Mona Lisa Smile Chicago Apollo 13 The Illusionist A few years ago I saw, 'A Joyful Noise' Now, it's not the most original of story-lines. A church choir is influenced by two strong women... Enter Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton who battle it out for the 'proper worship style'. But the singing is fab! Gospel music at it's best. One of my favourite moments is when Queen Latifah sits at the piano and sings 'Fix me Jesus'. It moves me every time. After all, who wouldn't want to be fixed? Who wouldn't want their lives to be sorted, their problems solved and to live forever, good as new? Today is Good Friday. It's the day that Jesus takes my b...

"Are you winning?" The same question, every Sunday morning. For seven years. It came from a retired man, With a broad Lancashire accent, Who had lost his wife, And became a member of our congregation. He asked it with a twinkle in his eyes. There was I, Mum to two very young, very noisy, very lively boys. And wife to an equally noisy and lively husband. And my answer was always the same, "I'm getting there!" My answer would still be the same 12 years on. Though now I have another boy to add to the collection. Turns out it was buy two, get one free! And they're all still young, noisy and lively. And I'm still winning. Because I'm on the winning side. This season has been tough at times. Threats of relegation abound. And the enemy attacks at regular intervals. But I'm still winning. I'm on the winning side. As Jesus said In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world! BO...