On having a major birthday, (small M)

I turn 50 tomorrow.
I know.
I'm shocked too.

I always thought I'd have a big party to celebrate.
You know what a party animal I am.
Except when I thought about it, I realised I'm not at all.
I just like to dance.
Any time, any place, anywhere.
Apart from that I prefer good food and laughter
with a few friends
who won't take much persuading to dance with me anyway.

The truth is that the last few years have been a journey of self-discovery.
I've struggled hard to discover what works for me amid the reality of long-term illness.
The key word there is struggle and as I commence a new decade
I realise I'm done struggling.
It's time for acceptance.


My working life
Family life
Personal life
is completely different to 10 years ago,
because life has happened.

I may not be the person I used to be,
but you know,
I think that's ok.

When I turned 49 I set out to do 50 new things in my 50th year.

A few of them are swimming related, you won't be surprised to hear,
but I can honestly say that wild swimming has changed my life.
The freedom,
the intensity,
the challenge,
the peace...

But also on my list are things like cooking paella,
going away on my own,
reading over 100 books,
making new friends,
and of course having pink and purple streaks in my hair.

I'm learning to live the best life I can within the parameters that I have.
It's frustrating at times, but God comes close and reminds me who I am.
His....
Dearly loved....
Precious for who I am, not what I do.

As you're reading this you've probably shared the journey with me these past few years.

Thanks for hanging in there with me,
I know it hasn't been easy.
Thanks for the cards,
the texts,
the hugs,
the notes,
the messages of support and encouragement.
You'll never know how much I needed your light in my darkness.

I look forward in hope.
Actually no,
I don't look forward too far.
I take it day by day,
hour by hour,
step by step.

I believe it's the only way for me.
Praying light and life for you today.

Now where's that cake?

Comments

Unknown said…
What a wonderful gift of reflective writing you have, and what a wonderful gift you are to all those of us who have shared in your journey however great or small our contribution to it. Have a wonderful Birthday Karen. Be blessed by the bucket load xx
8 May 2018 at 17:54
Debbie Richmond said…
That's so lovely Karen. You are an amazing woman.
Sending you oceans and oceans of love, hugs and kisses.
Happy 50th Birthday sweetpea. Xx
8 May 2018 at 18:19
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