Earth is crammed with heaven

Friday. The day when people are given a prompt and write for five minutes. Today's prompt is TEST. And so the test has come. The moment of truth. As I pause and breathe and open my mouth in a new place with new people who have barely known me two summers. I've lived with this for most of my adult life but you know it never gets any easier. Hannah West describes living with depression when she feels well: 'The attacker that threatened my life still lives in my house.' He has attacked me again. And yet again I feel I should have been able to stop him. But the truth is that there is an inevitability to this horrible illness which in my mind is a bit like Voldemort, he who must not be named. I am sick. Yes I pray. Yes I believe. Yes I have asked God for healing. Yes I live mindfully. Yes I meditate. Yes I try to have proper rest. Yes I have work-life balance Yes I exercise. Yes I tick all the boxes that people think I should Yes depres...

We've spent 4 hours in the car today. We'll be repeating the same journey next Saturday as it's that time of year again. The time when teens and twenties give up weeks of their Summer, just to make a difference in the life of a child. This isn't some fancy camp. No amazing excursions, trips out or extended time off. This is a tough gig. A camp for children from really hard circumstances who come for fun, excitement, a glimpse of love and life as they've never experienced it before. As we dropped off our middle son, our eldest son ran to meet us for one of those hugs that you think will never end. A hug that says a thousand words that you don't have. A hug that you hold until some of the strain starts to disperse. As he whispered in my ear, he told just a few things he'd experienced this last week. And as a Mother I'm torn between the pride I feel at my sons, and the other young people who are on the staff, who give of themselves ove...

Harlow was on The One Show last night. I know! We have a tic in the area. It infects dogs. They lose strength in their legs, can't eat or drink, and if untreated it's lethal. Apparently it's a tiny little thing. It's probably come here on another dog that's been on holiday abroad. It's causing chaos. Weakness. Exhaustion. Inability to function. Pain. And in one case, death. Just a little thing..... Amid all the beauty of the area. Little things have a way of causing chaos. One word. One look. One mistake. It's not the big things I usually have an issue with. Adrenaline tends to kick in, at least for a while. But the little things? They kill me. Every time. And before I know it I feel weak, Exhausted Unable to function. Jesus said, "Come to me... All you who are tired from carrying heavy loads... I will give you rest." Come to me. I will give you rest. Not more criticism. Or harsh wor...

We had a celebration at our church this morning. In the event formerly known as 'Volunteers Day' we invited everyone who contributes to the life and ministry of Harlow Salvation Army, to come to a service and lunch. It was great. We had seven people who had never been to worship before. But it was a tricky one. The issue of people not wanting to be known as 'Volunteers' led to the re-naming of The Salvation Army. I wanted everyone to know they were appreciated. The bandsman who helped plant the corps 59 years ago, The person who's been helping at lunch club for 4 weeks. The lady from the charity shop. The grandchildren who were remembering a terrible anniversary. The commissioned, the warranted, the called, the enrolled, the unravelled, the attenders, the worshippers. Those who serve because of faith. Those who act because they want to make a difference. All coming together in the beautiful mess that is church. A church that wouldn...

#MissingMillions is a social media campaign to raise awareness of the estimated millions of people who are missing from society because there is so little funding into ME/CFS research. Current NICE guidelines recommend graded exercise therapy. At worst this has caused disability. At best it has set patients back months, sometimes years. Our personal experience of this was when our son Ryan was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2009. He was 13 at the time. Thankfully we found a Dr and physio who understood the illness. 18 months later he was fully recovered, after doing the very opposite of current NICE guidelines. He's now 22 and just completed a degree in Sports Coaching & Science. The irony isn't lost on us. ME is not a popular illness. Don't misunderstand me, no illness is popular. But ME was christened 'yuppy flu' in the 80's. I've heard it called the 'Pull yourself together disease'. Can you imagine how th...

I watch with bated breath every spring. But this one? This one was different. It had been uprooted from where it had grown for 13 years. A new home. New life. Different county. Different soil. Different world. Would it even survive the upheaval? Today it is flowering, 10 months on. More than that it's flourishing in it's new environment. Greater buds and blooms than ever before. Signs of growth. Of new roots being established. It was a precious cargo containing memories of lives and loves. A thing of beauty. Hardier than it appeared at first glance. Bringing joy Peace Blessing Promise. Thank you God for new beginnings. For a place to settle. For a world in which we love and are loved. May I trust your heart when I don't understand your plan. Now and for ever. Chris's parents bought us this chamellia Its simple beauty brings me hope. It blooms every year about this time.

I don't like Glenn Hoddle. Every time I see him on TV, which in our house is quite often, I say something derogatory. ' Why is he even on there? He was sacked as England manager.' Is my usual response to his punditry. Definition alert: Punditry is a technical term meaning a person, usually a man, who can talk incessantly about football. That's most men, as far as I can tell. On Saturday I was thinking about injustice. I'd taken a photo of the tills in Tesco, ready for my Lent photo challenge. But when I got home I took this photo. Warning: Photo also contains Michael Owen. I quite like him. Though he has an annoying voice. Not as annoying as Jamie Carragher. What happened to commentators having nice voices? #someonehelpme Here's the photo: Now I have my reasons for not liking Glenn Hoddle. He was sacked as England manager in 1999 for making a silly remark about disabled people. At the time we were leaders of...

Today is #TimetoTalk Day. The day designated to get people talking about 'mental illness.' As I type I realise that people often focus on the word 'mental', and don't get as far as the world 'illness'. And that's half the problem. I have an illness . A mental health illness. I don't have mental health 'issues' . I'm not 'mental.' I have an illness. An illness that doesn't necessarily make me sad, though sometimes it does. The symptoms I get make me feel empty, exhausted, anxious, unable to hold a conversation. and I get marshmallow-brain, or brain fog. Sometimes I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I'm irritable and snappy. Sometimes I can't sleep for night after night, and sometimes I can do it with my eyes shut.... Sometimes I'm tearful. Sometimes I can hold it all together to work, chat, socialise, laugh, do what's required, and you'd never know ...

Today is Candlemas. The day that remembers Mary & Joseph presenting Jesus in the Temple. They met Simeon & Anna; Both prophets. Both faithful. Both very, very old. God had given them a promise, it would seem. And it was many, many years before they saw Jesus, the promised One. Many, many winters. Long. Lonely. Maybe they had thought 'Is this the one?' Only to have their hopes dashed Over and over again. And you know I can relate. Maybe you can too? I live with an illness that varies in intensity, but never completely subsides. And with every prayer that is prayed for me and over me and with me, my hope rises. Now Lord? Is it now? Has healing come? And it would seem the answer is invariably, No. The last seven days have been difficult. I sensed 'an episode' on it's way. This time I didn't fight it so hard. I took some time. Cancelled some stuff. Watched some films. Slept a bit. Then slept some more, And worked when...

It's that time of year again. I'm not a resolution type person, there are too many goodies to finish off yet. But I do like the One Word 365 movement. And the idea of having a word for the year appeals to me. Past words have been BREATHE (always a good idea...) CONTENT as opposed to happy. But as I approached the end of 2015 I realised I couldn't remember what my word had been. As I looked back I realised my word could easily have been frustrated, shocked, disappointed or gall-bladder for the first half of 2015. Closely followed by surprise, trust or settle in the second half. Then yesterday I remembered... My chosen word was FREE. Interesting.... because even though I'd forgotten my word I had lived it over and over. In choices and decisions. In prayers and petitions. In an Abraham and Isaac moment where I put my all on the altar in order to be free, and at the last moment God showed me a ram in the thicket. So maybe it's not so m...