Friday, 7 October 2016

Five minute Friday: Test

Friday.
The day when people are given a prompt and write for five minutes.
Today's prompt is TEST.

And so the test has come.
The moment of truth.
As I pause
and breathe
and open my mouth
in a new place
with new people who have barely known me two summers.

I've lived with this for most of my adult life
but you know it never gets any easier.

Hannah West describes living with depression when she feels well:

'The attacker that threatened my life still lives in my house.'

He has attacked me again.
And yet again
I feel I should have been able to stop him.

But the truth is that there is an inevitability to this horrible illness
which in my mind is a bit like Voldemort,
he who must not be named.

I am sick.

Yes I pray.
Yes I believe.
Yes I have asked God for healing.
Yes I live mindfully.
Yes I meditate.
Yes I try to have proper rest.
Yes I have work-life balance
Yes I exercise.
Yes I tick all the boxes that people think I should

Yes depression has struck again.

And the test?
To remember that this is an illness like any other.
And when the dust has settled I will get better again.
Maybe not today
Maybe not tomorrow
But soon.