I've been quite quiet on the blog lately.
You may have noticed.
Equally you may not.
It's not all about me after all.
I had thought about posting something from the Archives.
Until about 5 mins ago when I read
"Your story: What silences you?"
The truth is that my ongoing battle with depression,
or the black dog as it's affectionately known,
frequently silences me.
Not because of brain fog
Or lack of concentration
Or other symptoms of depression.
But more a sense of disappointment,
maybe even shame,
that I'm in that place once again.
It's hard for me to accept that all the coping mechanisms I put in place:
The quiet times
The trying to pace myself and not take on too much
Have all failed me.
So here I am
Signed off sick.
Ordered to self-care
While trying to silence the voice of the enemy that says
I'm a failure.
I'm letting people down.
I'm in the wrong job.
Other people can cope, why can't I?
This is my story.
The real one.
The no-holds barred one.
The one in which the medical profession are beginning to wonder
if this is just part of my life that I have to accept.
It's been over 20yrs now after all.
Maybe you are a fellow-traveller?
Maybe there's part of your story that has been silenced?
I'm resting for now.
Resting in the shadow of the Almighty.
There's plenty of room under here.