Monday, 26 August 2013

September song.

My name's Karen and I'm afraid of September.
It's not an irrational thing.
September has form.
This month has often been disastrous for my family.

Depression
Illness
Frustration
Overwork
And last year, dealing with the sudden death of my father
Mean that when I think about the coming month
I feel anxious
Overwrought
Afraid.

And this Sept has lots of possibilities for fear
As between the five of us
Two of us are settling into new jobs
One leaves home to go to Uni
One goes to college
And one goes to a new school.

So you see?
I have every reason to be afraid.
And already the anxiety has started
And tears come too readily
And I want to lock us all away
And keep us safe.

I read a blog about Isaiah 51:12 today
"I, I'm the one comforting you.
What are you afraid of, or who?....
You've forgotten me, God who made you." (MSG)

And while it's not completely true for me,
It is partly.
I haven't forgotten God
But maybe I've forgotten what He's capable of.
That when He asks me to trust him
It's because I can.
He won't let me fall.
He knows what September holds.
And even if disaster does strike
He's got me.
And he's got you too.

And my September song?
"Our God is a great big God and he holds us in his hands."

Friday, 23 August 2013

Five Minute Friday: Last

Last year
On this day
We lost my Dad.

Suddenly
His heart failed
And he was gone.

Today feels strange.
I have tried to be normal.
But inside I feel numb.
Alone.
Walking around like a zombie.
Struggling to answer straightforward questions.
Mind anywhere but where it's supposed to be.

It won't last.
I know this.
But today is a day of intense emotion
Vivid memories
And the painful reality that Dad is no more.

But his love
His voice that I can still hear in my head
His smile
His laugh
His big bear hugs
Every good memory I have of him
These are the things that will last.

"Weeping may endure (last) for a night...
Joy comes in the morning."