Thursday, 14 February 2013

40 Days of Feasting: On Not Crying at Les Mis

I don't cry at films.
Ever.
I told someone rather smugly once that "I saved my tears for real life."
Big mistake.
She'd been referring to 'Titanic'.
She then told everyone that I only had compassion for things that affected me....
Lesson learned.

So anyway I've seen Les Mis three times.
The first time was with two close friends.
One blubbed, the other didn't (and she's a real cryer).
Nothing from yours truly.

The second time was with Mum and my hubby.
Mum started crying at 'Empty chairs at empty tables'
It was only to be expected as she lives with Dad's empty chair every day.
I held her hand.
I got goosebumps at the end.
But no tears.

The third time was today.
Chris and I went again.
It was kind of a test I suppose.
I'd decided to blog about not crying at Les Mis anyway.
I smiled to myself when Corsette sang about her castle on a cloud where tears were not allowed.
I had song lyrics like
'All cried out' (Alison Moyet) and "Some just go too deep for tears" (Crystal Gayle?)
at the ready.

But this time was different.
I had several moments when I was 'on the verge' but nothing.
Then came the final scene.
The father was dying.
The daughter believed he would live.
Corsette's Mum came back to tell him it was time to lay his burden down...
To rest...
To be with God...

And the floodgates opened!
Tears streamed down my face.
I knew how Corsette felt.
I didn't believe my Dad would die either.

In my 40 Days of Feasting I am embracing the tears.
I cry loads.
I've even learnt to cry silently.
I used to be a real sniffler.
It wasn't pretty.

But tears are a very real part of who I am at the moment.
If you're talking to me and I well up, it's not you.
It's me.
Tears are healing...
Tears are cleansing....

And God?
God 'collects our tears in a bottle' Psalm 56:8
He knows our tears are of value
To us...
To Him...

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