Thursday, 13 September 2012

The tracks of my tears

Dad died suddenly on a sunny August morning.
There had been no warning.
He’d been ill for years but we weren’t expecting to lose him.
As we left the place where he’d drawn his final breaths, the blue sky and sunshine seemed to mock us. We wanted to scream what had happened to the people passing, going about their business. And the tears started. Sometimes it feels as if they’ll never stop.

You see this wasn’t the first death that had occurred in our family. In fact it was the fourth in four months. We had lost key figures in our lives. A dearly loved Grandad, and three parents. These weren’t minor losses they were huge.

And as I looked at our family, especially our children, just last week, as we sat in the garden having a barbecue, I thought, “It’s too much sadness for one family.”
How much can one family take? How much can I take if it comes to that?

We know where our loved ones are now. We believe that Jesus has taken them Home to rest. But the pain of parting feels like a weight in my chest. Sometimes I cry so hard I can’t breathe. And my mind struggles to process the fact that I won’t see them again in this life.

I picked up my Bible a few days ago. This isn’t a rare occurrence, but it was a deliberate action as I wanted something, anything from God. I couldn’t feel Him. I struggled to hear His voice. I trusted Him, but I was a bit cross with Him as well.

I started at Psalm 62 and worked backwards.
They were comforting words and they helped a little.
These however, stopped me in my tracks,
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

God, my Father, traces the tracks of my tears. He collects my tears in a bottle.
Who knows? Maybe he uses them to put the sparkle in a new-born baby’s eyes.
Nothing is ever wasted.
He knows.

5 comments:

Holly said...

Karen,
That scripture paints the most beautiful image of a God that doesn't just wave his magic wand and make all the bad go away but, rather, sits and mourns with us. So much so that he gathers our tears. Grieving with you, friend.

Anita @ Dreaming Beneath the Spires said...

What an amazing verse, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT) I don't think I took it in before. God be with you,Karen in this difficult month.
Blessings!!

sethhaines said...

These are such good words, Karen. I will actually be reading them tomorrow because it is the second Psalm of the day (26, 56. 86, etc.)

Much peace with you and your family. I've been sinking into John 14-20 lately. Christ has much to say about his piece in those chapters.

idelette mcvicker said...

I love when God meets us in such an intimate way--that is such a beautiful + perfect verse. I'm so sorry for your Big losses ... that is a lot for one family. Sending Love today. Thank you for sharing your Broken Hallelujah. xoxo

Carol Vinson said...

I needed Psalm 56:8 today. A perfect reminder that our sorrow matters so much that He collects every tear. Rest in His peace...